Introductory Reflection

The first work that I am reflecting upon is the collection of essays that compose Yes Means Yes! Visions of Female Sexual Power & a World Without Rape by Jaclyn Friedman & Jessica Valenti. My first reflection is on the Introduction of the book.

(Page 7) "The goal...is to explore how creating a culture that values genuine female sexual pleasure can help stop rape and how the culture and systems that support rape in the US rob us of our right to sexual power.... Until we start shining a light on all the dark corners of sexual shame and blame projected onto us by American culture, we're going to keep spinning our wheels."

My own goal in reading this work is to create a framework within which to reflect upon and understand my own sexual history and practices. While I have come a long way from the child and teenager introduced to sex too soon & learning first the ways in which sex can be abusive and humiliating, I still have trouble requesting that which I want.

Worse, sometimes my history haunts me, as I have had flashbacks or have been too nervous that I would have another flashback to truly have pleasure from time to time. This needs to stop.

I am ready to take pleasure in my own body and live my life on my own terms, which puts me at risks for, well, "douchebags." With the my personal situation, I also can't be loud & proud about who I am sexually.

This is, of course, a process as I balance pleasure, safety, freedom, and commitment. It involves unpacking & examining my past, understanding my current hang-ups & conflicts (as well as what's working well), and looking to quietly but confidently explore my urges, needs, & desires for the future. It's not going to be easy.

I plan to continue to reflect on Yes Means Yes, as well as blogs, web pages, & other books. I plan to reflect essay by essay, though a couple of the essays did not move me or seem to apply to me, so I'll skip the ones I don't feel like writing about.