Wednesday, October 28, 2009

In the Forest

Today I'm exploring Starhawk's The Spiral Dance.

(page 32) “All began in love; all seeks to return to love. Love is the law, the teacher of wisdom, and the great revealer of mysteries.”

Today I am once again journeying through my emotional landscape. It's quite big, and I'm beginning to think Walt Whitman's "Song of Myself" could also be an appropriate frame.

Today I am walking through the forest. I started out on a tiny beach, out of the rough seas at last. I think I'm on a peninsula, that this will eventually lead back to my castle, but I'm not completely sure.

All I know is that I'm scared to traverse the forest. When I chose to explore my forest today, my stomach tightened into a knot, and I knew suddenly that my nightmares form there. And then I thought that that was silly, because I usually enjoy my nightmares. My nightmares rarely scare me.

But I'm scared of the forest. I realized that I should take as many of me as I could. The first ones forwards were wearing white and yellow. Yellow? Is yellow fear or jealousy? I'm not sure yet. And then royal blue, deep emerald green, fuchsia, royal purple, and black and gray stepped forward.

We've been walking, and it reminds me of the forest Fiona and Shrek wandered, but I also know that the forests of Snow White will be there too. And with so many mes, I'm not afraid anymore. Mint green and pale pink have also shown up, and now orange.

(page 24) “The image of the Goddess inspires women to see ourselves as divine, our bodies as sacred, the changing phases of our lives as holy, our aggression as healthy, our anger as purifying, and our power to nurture and create, but also to limit and destroy when necessary, as the very source that sustains all life—we can move beyond narrow, constricting roles and become whole.”

I'm worried, not about the forest, but about facing it alone. I'm glad I have me for company.

And I'm not sure exactly what the forest signifies. I've realized that it is a sacred place, that it can turn into a maze, that it can be nurturing but also destructive. That I could become lost in the shadows and the brush, and the close-growing trees. And so many varieties of trees there are!

I like my forest, but I haven't yet learned its secrets.

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